Miami

So my mom and my sister are leaving on an awesome cruise tomorrow. It really really sucks that I won't be going with them, but I can't. School, work and an internship are keeping me grounded here. School and internships are keeping me grounded here for another year. Don't get me wrong, I love Miami.

After I broke up with my last boyfriend I pictured myself staying here after I finished school. After I graduated from high school I wanted to leave. When my ex-boyfriend moved to Taiwan, I sort of wanted to leave. But then I came to accept the fact that I like this city. I like it despite the overwhelming hatred that it stirs up in people. I love it despite the traffic, the heat, the hurricanes, the sometimes annoying people, the seemingly lack of culture. And now I'm getting that itch to leave it again.

Yes, that itch is precipitated by a boy again, but it's different this time. Yes, people look at me in shock when they learn that I am, apparently, the queen of long-distance relationships. Some of them think I prefer it that way. But that's really not the truth. Who would prefer to be away from the person they love for months at a time? I just happen to fall for guys whose paths take them on only a short detour to Miami... or Florida.

I love my boyfriend. And when the day came that he told me he was going to be stationed in Cape Cod, I surprised myself by not falling apart. Instead, I processed the information and decided that, although it would be extremely difficult for me to finally leave this city, I would do it for him if it came down to it.

I don't know how or if it will work out, but I DO know that I have to try. I know that after a year of living in separate states I will move to wherever he is. And I know that it will be the most challenging thing I would have ever done up to that point in my life. So yes, I'm scared of moving. I'm scared I won't like it, that I'll feel like an outsider, that I won't find a job or friends. But I'm not scared of jumping in head-first into a relationship that amazes me. I'm not scared of potentially getting my heart broken. And I'm not scared to accept the possibility that I might come crawling back to my fire-hot, misunderstood city.

I'm Back!

Well, not back back. This is a new blog since I decided to delete the old ones I had. I enjoyed working on them, but after the whole "I give up on journalism" thing, blogging just reminded me of how much I miss writing.

So I'm starting again. One reason is because I feel like my life is getting/about to get pretty complicated and I need a place to think things through. Another reason is that it's just plain fun.

I'm not going to let anyone know about this at first. I enjoy just writing for myself. My ultimate goal, however, is to let friends and even family know about it so they can check it out if they feel about it.

Why do I think my life is getting complicated? Because I really feel confident in myself now so that means I'm going to be more assertive and such. I finally feel like I've grown into my skin, you know? I've never really lacked confidence, I just haven't been entirely sure of who I was and what I wanted. But, now I feel like I have that.

Also, I'll be finishing up grad school in about a year and finally getting out into the real world. That might entail me leaving Miami. After breaking up with Bruce (heck, even a bit before that) I never thought I'd leave. But, you live, you learn. And I ended up meeting somebody who happens to move every few years. That means that if things work out between us I'll be taking myself on the road.

But, that's getting a bit ahead of myself. Patience pays. And right now I just want to get through the semester and my first internship.

More talking to myself later, then. I'm off!